how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
This house was built for laser tag.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
