This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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