i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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