I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
