you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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