i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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