So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
