Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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