I didn't shave. On purpose
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
