TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
