I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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