He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
