i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
