Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
