I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
