I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
