I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
