I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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