I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
