Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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