People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
