if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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