I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
