We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
