I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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