I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
