im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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