I hope mine doesn't look like that
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
