First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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