You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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