he shaved USA in his pubs
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize