Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
