just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Found your dick twin last night
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
