East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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