K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
