I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
