i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
