I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
They took my balls.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
you never un-have a 4some
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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