Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
