Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
