my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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