Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
