You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
