Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Even my vagina gasped.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
