last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
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I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
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There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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