So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
