I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
