youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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