I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
