I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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