this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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