I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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