I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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