I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
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He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
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Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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