you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
