youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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