i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
A bitchslap is in order.
how does that bad decision feel?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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