My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
how drunk are you?
Several
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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