I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
