I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
