Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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