I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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