Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
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All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
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But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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