Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
