Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
be right there i have to get my cape
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
