He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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