he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
