I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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