I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm at about main and main street
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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